The Questionnaire

If you haven't read the blog before this one, "People Never Learn", read it now.

#2 Q: Name some tools that you have at your disposal to meet our customer's needs. Name at least 3.

A: My cock, fingers and hair.

#3 Q: If a specified product isn't in stock, what should you automatically do to help that customer?

A: I would automatically challenge them to a dance-off. Following the boogie-down, I would then lead them to a hidden
corner and begin the execution.

#4 Q: A customer looks on our user friendly in-house computer and finds something to their liking. They then find you and
say that it's in section 3A. What do you do to put the product in the customer's hand?

A: My strength would help because I would pick them up and carry them away. Once we've reached a destination I would
drop them to the floor, say, "You were terrific.", slap my ass, cough and calmly walk away.

#5 Q: What are the services we can extend to the customers at the cash register?

A: Services such as forcing them to watch my A-hole open up as I blast a steamer or a vicious bird call go a long way.

#6 Q: The customer at your register says, "I didn't find what I was looking for.", What do you say to her?

A: I would just stand there holding my breath till I could hold it no more then exhale violently so that spit and bad
breath would cover her face and collar area. I could also reinact the torching of Dimple Hill.

#7 Q: What can you recommend to customers in the cafe?

A: I would recommend that they follow me to the back-stock area. I'd tell them that this is where we keep the freshest food and that they could take whatever they wanted because they're good people and while they were rifling through product I'd attach some sort of winged extension to my arms and flap about their ass and back. Once asked what I was doing, I'd begin weeping and vomiting. That should get them out of my hair for a while.

More to come...