... And More Questions

#14 Q: The security gates go off and the customer who was walking through them at the time comes back to you at the register. What do you do?

A: I'd offer to shake hands and when they took the bait I'd drag them over the counter. Once on my side of the counter it's that much easier to show them my appreciation for timid folk.

#15 Q: You're at the Information desk looking up product that a customer would like specially ordered. You notice that there is a price discrepancy. What do you tell the customer and why is there a discrepancy?

A: I'd notify them that they smell like bear shit and suggest that they step back. Then I'd say, "There isn't really a discrepancy but you can go fuck yourself anyway."

#16 Q: What is the return policy?

A: If you're willing to subject yourself to a full day of tedious, back-breaking yard work at my parent's house then we'll take back the product. If not, then you better make could with the hands.

#17 Q: In what way are specially orderd items different than our regular stock items? What's our return policy regarding these items and how do we ensure that the customers both know and agree with this policy?

A: Specially ordered items are different because they come from the docks. For the return policy, see my asshole for details. We ensure that the customers know and agree with this policy by firing threatening letters through their windows during din-din.

#18 Q: When you're bringing at item to work, something that we normally carry, what is the procedure?

A: The procedure is to midget dance my way from one end of the parking lot to the other.

#19 Q: What do you do with returned product?

A: Me and my dad bang bitches.

#20 Q: Someone comes to you with a return but doesn't have their receipt. What do you ask for and what do you check?

A: I'd ask for their phone number because that's actual procedure then once I have it, I'd call their home to check if anyone was there. If someone answers, I'd mention Pimp Pilgrim and how he can help. If I get the answering machine, I would simply inform them of the fire that is soon to come. During all this the customer will be looking at me with shock, in which case I'd poke them in the eye and when they got back to sorts I would be in black face.

There it is. The questionnaire that led to 8 yeras of me bossing pople around and being responsible for a shit load of money. Well done.