People Never Learn

Way back in the day I worked for a retail store for over 8 years. Apparently I'm one of these people who never learn. For 8 years I spent 40+ hours a week helping people, answering questions (most of them beyond stupid), cleaning up after some of the most disgusting assholes New York has to offer, serving coffee, stealing from the company, banging all the grief stricken women (you'll find tons working in retail) and occasionally setting fire to my ass hair just to prove a point. For almost a decade, I got paid shitty wages and was given way too much to handle. When I was first hired, they spent a week training me. At the end of that week they gave me a "New Employee Questionnaire". I had an hour to fill it out which is way too much time for someone like me to sit at a table thinking about how to answer these schmuck questions. About 20 seconds into it, I decided that I didn't really want to work there and just wrote down a bunch of shit. I handed it in and I worked there for 8 years. I ran two departments and was responsible for about 15 people. Here is the first question and answer to that questionnaire that led to the beginning of a regretful career:
*I have changed the name of the company for I haven't the funds for a lawsuit. Let's call it Brownstar's
Q: What is our main focus as employees of Brownstar's? (Hint: It's the job we all have in common.)

A: Our main focus is customer service. Whether it's hand, mouth or anal service all depends on the customer's needs. For instance, if a leopard gets into the store, a variety of biblical screams may help.

This is the first question of many. I will share this entire questionnaire with you in my upcoming blogs. ENJOY