May God Have Mercy On Your Ass!

Hemorrhoids. We all know them. We all love them. How many of you ever had a hemorrhoid? MMMM, Tasty. I got my first one the other day and it looks like my asshole is smoking a cigar. It's just my luck that my induction into the impacted anal gland family is with a three pounder. It actually woke me up this past saturday morning by singing, "Tiny Dancer". I told my mother and of course she had a reaction that would lead most people to believe that I told her I was really a black man in disguise. Then, of course, she had to tell everyone located east of the plains. The people she works with giggle at me now. I see them point at me then pat their ass. So I went to the doctor today, just what I'd hope to do on Christmas eve, and the nurse told me not to feel bad. I thanked her for the support then sent her tumbling down the hallway. The last thing to tell a man before he's about to get a finger in the pooper is not to feel bad. I feel like...well, I feel like my ass is growing a thumb. The doc came in checked it out. I felt bad. I had this image of him vomiting during his christmas dinner thinking about the third leg that I'm growing. But all was well. He actually chuckled a little and said, "Don't forget to feed that thing", before walking out, surely to share a hearty holiday laugh with his staff. I guess everyone's gotta take a shot to the ass every now and then.